DOMINANT: real or fake?

The Dominant’s Guide is a blog that mostly republishes the writings of Mistress Steele, aka F.R.R. Mallory who wrote Extreme Space, The Domination and Submission Handbook

There are some excellent articles on The Dominant Guide site and I rarely disagree with the Domme, but I think she’s jumped a few sharks with her post about “meretricious” Doms:

The Meretricious Dominant mimic’s the actions, attitudes and behaviors of others in order to lure people into positions of vulnerability primarily for cheap, easy sex with a kink twist.

I’m fairly certain manipulating others for the purpose of cheap, easy sex is a kind of universal thing and not really a function of being Dominant, meretricious or otherwise. But what’s she talking about here? What exactly is a “meretricious” Dom?

Today within the D/s lifestyle we see many ‘scheduled’ Dominants. These are the dominants who selectively schedule specific time periods to ‘be’ dominant. Which leads the observer to question what that person ‘is’ the rest of the time….

… Presenting this ‘temporary’ status as real status is the point where pretense, falsehood and insincerity come into play.

That they are unable to sustain dominant presence is often quite evident when one looks at their daily lives. Often there will be little or no other areas within their lives that they are in control of in any appreciable way.

I’ll counter this by looking at the other side, the submissive. A submissive in private or at a club can also be a judge, a business owner a cop or a football coach. That is, they dominate others quite effectively and comfortably in the parts of their lives that call for that.

But they also are people who derive deep satisfaction from surrendering themselves.
They don’t “sustain” a submissive presence. They can be as Alpha as anyone else. In other words, they “schedule” a time to express their submission in a way appropriate to their lives. Which is not when they have to rip a linebacker a new asshole for dropping an intercepted pass.

Why would it be different for a Dominant, who can be someone who avoids conflict and confrontation and would rather go along and get along?

You aren’t a “real” Dom because you control all aspects of your life. You are a real Dom when you interact with a sub in ways that satisfy the sub and you. And you can certainly choose to only do that during “playtime.” 

There is also, BTW, “neutral.” It isn’t necessary to dominate a server at a coffeeshop or submit to a friend while shopping. No one has to “be” a thing in a way another defines for them.

As for this:

Often there will be little or no other areas within their lives that they are in control of in any appreciable way.

It’s all an illusion, this control people think they have. It just means a section of rebar hasn’t flown off a truck on the highway to crash through their windshield and blind them. They don’t have their cancer diagnosis. Their high schooler didn’t run off with a college kid. Their stock didn’t tank. They don’t have bedbugs.


People are endlessly complex. And rainbows have no edges.

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